You may be wondering what this might have to do with my writings, Or perhaps you may be asking yourself If I have written a book about that so hang in there and I will answer your questions (Hopefully)
I have come across people who misunderstood my characters. When I show that they are protecting, or at least try, they come across as controlling. They misunderstand that the reason they act the way they do is because it is their way of protecting the ones they love. But reader still misunderstands that. I was reading one of my books, I have come across a few mistakes, The book is Baby Blues. I have decided to go ahead and make the corrections. As I was doing that, a phrase I wrote, a thought my male character had was indeed one of a controlling character. So I used my Emotion Thesaurus and wrote out the emotions of a protecting character but kept with the ones of one who controls. Why? Every MC has to have a flaw. No one likes to read about perfect characters because they are no one can relate to them.
Perhaps the reason my character come across as controlling is because of my own upbringing, On Facebook, I asked, how do I show my character has protective and a friend suggested I think of a time someone was protective of me, That is not easy. My parents were not protective of me. My father was the controlling one while my mother was in a way, permissive.
I wrote about how my father treated us. He wanted to control mom’s spending. My mother told me one time, how she told our dad that she brought herself a new dress with own hard earned money and he hit the ceiling. Another time, he asked her to join her bank account with his. He had control of the grocery money. He would have a little coin purse and he put in $40 twice a week–this for a family of 4! He had showed the signs of a controlling man.
My mother on the other hand loved us. She was a godly woman, opposite of my father. If we had a need and my father wouldn’t provide that need, she would see to it that our needs were met. My father saw that as her enabling us. My father believed that if we have a need, we should get a job. My mother understood why he didn’t have one. If my sister and I worked, the money would go to him. I said she was permissive because, she never tried to keep us from doing what our heart’s desired. Although she couldn’t provide cars for us, she would buy us clothes if we needed any. My father would not. When I turned 18, he stopped giving us any kind of allowances, but our mother would give some money after she had tithed. But as protecting us, well, what could she do? How could can an abuse woman protect her children? She couldn’t even stand up to him. What she did was commit us to the Lord. She raised us in the Lord and she would pray for God to protect us. Every morning, she would go around the house citing Psalms 91. She protected us spiritually.
I really had no man or woman who could physically protect me. When I was old enough to know, I would go to God for my protection. Psalms 91 is about how abiding in His Presence is the ultimate source of protection and deliverance. I still rely on it today. There is no other place to be. And because I didn’t have anyone protecting me, I had to use my thesaurus to see what the emotions a protecting person would have. I had to do this to my stories. It’s sad I know. Fortunately one had not reach the shelves. I’m hoping to release this book late this year or early next year, the Lord willing. The other one will be re-released in a couple of months or so.
So keep this in mind: If you come across a controlling character, you will know the reason. Hopefully you won’t Hopefully you know I have tried. My books?
Baby Blues and The Yaphe (A YA Christian Fantasy)